12 Wacky USB Devices that Suck
USB was actually designed to allow many peripherals to be connected to computer using a single standardized interface socket but in the recent years, a lot of things have been manufatured to be connected to computers via USB. We see a lot of unusual and weird USB devices every now and then. Some of them are just pointless and some just suck. Here is a list of some of the USB devices that are pointless and we wish weren’t even conceived.
USB Pole Dancer
When you are on your computer, you are probably there to work. You wouldn’t want anything to disturb you, would you? That’s where this USB pole dancer fits in. You are supposed to type to make her dance, the faster you type the faster she dances. I don’t see the point, if you are typing why would you want to watch her dance?
USB Missile Launcher
If you want to waste $32.49 on USB device that shoots Missiles to more than 10 feet at an extremely fast rate and has pre-recorded sound effects, buy this USB Missile launcher
USB Crocodile Memory stick
The whole point of choosing a Memory stick over a External hard disk is that the former is small and can be taken anywhere in pocket. But this Crocodile USB Memory stick won’t allow that because it is too big for your pocket and is bulky too. It weighs 1.1 ounces, supports USB 2.0, and stores 128MB of data – which too much for a $44 “Pen Drive”.
Armageddon USB Hub
If you are looking for some fun in your workplace, buy one of these “Blow the World” USB hubs. Just flip the two switches, turn the key, open the plastic cover, and push the red “ultimate destruction” button for some loud honking noises (What else did you expect?). The Armageddon USB hub retails for $55.50.
Duck Shaped Vacuum Cleaner
Alrite, this is one USB device that really sucks. It sucks the dust and dirt you may have on your desk. It weighs 3.5 ounces and can be used to clean the keyboards too. Anyone buying this Duck Vacuum cleaner is surely wasting his money on something that he doesn’t really need because there are much cheaper and better non-USB alternatives out there.
USB Oil Burner
The USB-Powered oil burner lights up in a random, warm or cool array of colors and at the same time fills up your room with fragrances. Think about it, you are sitting in your room. A friend of yours enters and he had been playing football and he stinks. You have to first boot your PC, connect the Oil Burner if isn’t yet connected and wait for it to start producing fragances. Thanks, but I am buying a “real” Oil burner instead.
Office Fondue
The office fondue features a fondue pot with LCD and heater, a blue FireGlow USB cable, six Fundue forks, and a recipe booklet. Use it to melt chocolate and cheese. The Fondue comes with a Recipe bookletand 6 Fundue Forks with included monitor attachments.
USB Massage Ball
This USB-powered gadget ball gives you a massage without ever leaving your desk. Cool, now I have to turn on my computer for a massage. I really don’t see a point why anyone should buy the USB Massage ball instead of a regular one.
USB Plasma ball
You may call it a USB Plasma ball but I call it the “ball of ultimate distraction”. Why else would you want to buy a $13.81 red and blue plasma light streaming device if it wasn’t for the distraction it causes. Blue flashes of lightning will move towards your fingertips once you touch the ball.
USB Boxer
This USB device is no better than the USB Pole dancer we mentioned above. The USB Boxer comes with fully interactive USB Boxer with graphics and sounds. Unlike the USB pole dancer, you get to choose the mode of action. You can choose between Auto – Manual – Keystroke modes.
USB Heating Gloves and Slippers
Want to keep your feet and hands warm when you are working on computer? Checkout these USB heating gloves and slippers. Just wear them and connect them to the USB port. the problem is, they come with short wires so you will have to keep yourself attached to the Computer all the time. I can imagine what it would be like when you get a phone call or comeone at the door and smash your Laptop or cabinet to the ground and cutting the wires of the slippers and gloves too.
USB Shaking Octopus
The USB Shaking Octopus is said to provide vibrating sensations to your head through the device’s legs. You just connect it to your computer’s USB port, place it on your head, press the button, and your headache goes away. As simple as that. The legs are adjustable so that you can also use the USB Shaking Octopus on your neck, waist, or whichever body part you desire. But the question arises, Do you really want a USB device to get rid of your headache? I mean, there are so many cheaper alternatives out there and just because this connects to your computer doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.
I don’t know how neat or non-clumsy the rest of the world is, but I just have a feeling that no good will come out of having melted cheese or chocolate in close proximity to your keyboard or laptop.
The USB fondue “Fundue” is a hoax. It does not exist. (thank god)
Did you ever think people use their computers for fun or leave them on most of the time? I agree there a lot of dumb usb devices but most of the ones covered here are pretty fun or creative.
This writer is a terrible one! What must he be black or something of that sort?
Freaking negros. *shakes large WHITE fist with pride*
I think that the USB Missile Launcher would be great fun, and I’d love to see the USB Plasmaball. The USB detonator is just awesome, even if the price is a little steep. Computers aren’t just for work, you know.
The USB Rocket Launcher is amazing, the writer of this article is an idiot. Not sure what his beef if but he sure doesn’t like the idea of having unusual fun things. I’m not even sure why this was on Digg. Waste of a read.
Why so much hatred toward Awesome? I would love to have those things, even if they do not fit your utilitarian view of computers.
i want all of these things
I don’t think you can consider a device to be a USB device if all it does is get it’s power from the USB port.
“Not only will it make your workplace unsafe, but also make you look like a 5 year old.”
What are you? 97 years old?
The USB missile launcher is a must-have in the boring workspace, and is only dangerous if you’re semi-retarded. The Armageddon button sits at home on my desk and I use it regularly to restart my servers. It is, in fact, the most awesome restart button in the world. The heated gloves and slippers also serve a great purpose. Some people get cold when they’re just sitting there typing. They certainly came in handy at last years outdoor LAN party.
And the USB pole dancer is sooooo worth it. Every time I get an email, the stripper dances, I laugh, and the internets win.
The Crocodile USB is a great idea. You can hide it in your room and the cops won’t look inside some fluffy toy
It”s wonderful !
If you want to waste $32.49 on USB device that shoots Missiles to more than 10 feet at an extremely fast rate and has pre-recorded sound effects, buy this USB Pole Dancer
you probably meant the missle launcher, link for it is missing too.
the octopus one is just scary.
The computer shop that I work at sells USB Shavers!
Verrückte USB-Geräte und weitere Links…
Luftige Grüße!
Ich muss mich an erster Stelle für die Woche Funkstille entschuldigen. Eigentlich ist es durchaus mein Ziel regelmäßiger etwas zu veröffentlichen, aber ich wollte mir das Osterwochenende frei lassen und bin ansonsten auch recht …
@Telivision Spy : Thanks for the comment. I have fixed the link now.
Nothing beats logging in remotely to a computer and attacking the current (local) user with the USB missiles.
BTW morons,the fundue product isn’t even real,it’s a JOKE. try to actually buy one at thinkgeek and see what happens.
fucking lame ass writer fails at writing,fails at composing an interesting article,and fails at fact checking as well. what a shithead.
what about the USB humping dog???!!!!
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/japanfan/9c89/
You mad? Jeez.
I love geektrashness
Actually, I have the USB Gloves. They work pretty well. I work in an office that gets quite chilly after hours, and I like having something to make typing less frostbite-intensive…
Should’ve had the glowing Darth Vader head from thinkgeek on here too http://snurl.com/fzkk7
Have to agree that my first reaction to the missile launcher was, “I want that.” I’ll take three. One for home, one for work, one for my netbook. Imagine setting that up in a cafe!
Also, the warming mittens: priceless. Everyone’s hands get cold when they’re typing for a long time. Sheesh. Dude, I’m an old lady and I’m more fun than you are. My kids think I’m a dork, and I’m cooler than you.
Oh, and I’d totally toss in the “massage ball.” Um, maybe only *women* get the utility of this one???? MMMmmmm….
The computer shoplaura ashley emilie that I work at sells USB Shavers!
I love the milk shake maker. I can’t imagine a more useful product for when I go camping. Just take the ice cream out of my back pack, plug in my milk shake maker and VIOLA! I am ready to start making a shake, the VIOLA! I am almost done, then VIOLA! it is finished! Viola players are always second fiddle to violinists.
I wouldn’t mind the rocket launcher for camping. If I saw a deer or something, I could use the laptop to aim the rocket launcher at the target animal and then fire it at that animal when I was ready to see it become my food. I don’t know how to clean a deer for eating, but with this device, I am sure it would be fun just to kill them, and leave them there for the beers.
If that is your plan with the rocket launcher, maybe you could use the boxer to protect you from bullies. Just type “kick the bully’s butt” and it would do it I bet. Better by two, to keep things symmetrical.
I didn’t see the milkshake maker. What is the link, I would like to buy one for my wife for our anniversary.
Something I noticed was that all of you are morons. Each and everyone. Especially those of you that are stupid. I mean come on, are you all this dumb? Rocket Launcher! Warm Mittens!
I just ordered two of the octopus vibrators and can’t wait to try them out!
Now let’s see…
3 USB ports on my computer, with an 8 port USB hub on each, equals 24 USB controlled rocket launchers!
Or maybe I could daisy chain the USB hubs – so three times eight times eight…
He, he, he…
who came up this things, too funny
The USB fondue would draw to much power and would not work on 5v.
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